The time has come to reintegrate myself back into society! I have been pretty much living off the technological grid for about a year. My only outlet was this blog and podcast that initially I only told a handful of people about. Social media, tv, and essentially being in contact with the outside world was a distraction. I needed to separate myself from all of it to be able to look inward. I was about to forever change my life and I needed to focus on my transformation without the distractions.
With that, I feel ready to fully re-introduce myself.
My legal name is now Kelsey Morgan. I created a new name for myself by making my middle name my last name. I was married to a man. This past year I was in the process of leaving an abusive marriage. What is interesting is that while I was still in the physical space of my ex I was granted with the choice to heal while in the midst of it. I took that opportunity which enabled me to get out in less than a year.
When I finished my thesis in December of 2020 and decided to delete social media December of 2020 I finally had the space I needed to make the tough decisions that I had been questioning for the past 5 ½ years. A week later I decided to separate (originally, I believed we just needed a separation) from my husband.
These three major decisions spiraled me into a beautiful tornado of destruction.
This past year became a full deconstruction of my old life. I feel it has been happening in waves throughout my entire healing journey, but the situation I was in needed a complete natural disaster to get rid of everything. To be stripped of everything and thrown into a new life of unquestionable alignment. (which has me think of the collage I made back in 2019 that I discussed in a previous blog post, here)
Then within the phase of detangling myself from being enmeshed with an abusive person, it gave me the space to continue to do the deep healing with my sexuality that I had never gotten the opportunity to do before. I began to create the safety for myself to go there. Existing in this new sense of safety, I had accepted a part of my sexuality I had been too afraid to welcome in, which was that I liked women.
From the end of 2017 through the end of 2020 have shown to be primitive years with experiencing grad school, going to therapy, having spiritual and sexuality coaches, establishing self-care practices, and various other trauma work. Through that, I built a solid foundation for myself. A foundation I could firmly stand on. I could hold myself while I was fully feeling my pain because I was no longer in survival mode.
I was simultaneously living the worst time of my life and the best time of my life.
Meaning, I was in the midst of trauma, but the tail end of it, while also witnessing the creation of my new life I was about to step in to. To say the least, 2021 has been a fucking wild year. I am on the other side of it though because I took the time to solely focus on myself. To confront what was occurring in my direct life.
Now I feel ready to integrate myself back into society. I visited my home town last weekend and was open about what all had happened within this year of me falling off the face of the Earth. I feel pulled to create a personal just for fun Instagram account (@creating.light) as another means for people to connect to me. My family is even being notified, slowly but surely, of everything I have been experiencing.
I am putting my whole self, my truly authentic self, out there, and it’s scary as fuck.
I have been authentic on all things Creating Light with Kelsey, but it hasn’t been until now where I feel safe enough to share these parts of myself. So here I am! Entering yet another layer of vulnerability. I feel it is a part of my message to share my life, my healing, because it is all a part of the ripple effect. And that is what I came here to do, to create light.
When we see the light in ourselves, we create light in others.