How No Longer Wearing Bras Has Helped With My Sexuality Healing And Self-Confidence.

In the previous blog post, “Learning To Walk Through Life Not Giving A Fuck,” I briefly touched on the fact that back in October of 2020 I made the decision to stop wearing bras. I noticed that I was becoming pretty passionate while sharing, and figured I would make another blog post solely devoted to my mindset on it! 

As a survivor of sexual trauma, my healing has revolved around sex and sexuality. There are many layers that contribute to rediscovering the feelings of being whole, confident, secure, and sensual in the aftermath of trauma, or possibly even learning how to feel those things for the very first time. Being able to feel all of that within my body has been a beautiful process that is rapidly unfolding.

Honestly, the decision to stop wearing bras started when I was home all the time, because there was a weird time gap of me finishing my thesis and trying to find a job. I thought to myself, “I rarely ever leave the house these days, why am I bothering with wearing a bra?” 

It was interesting to reflect on the fact that even in the comfort of my own house, I felt uncomfortable in my body while not wearing a bra. 

That caught my attention. I became curious and started asking myself, “Why can I not peacefully coexist with my body in my house? What is it about my body that I am uncomfortable with?” It brought to conscious awareness that I was not loving my body as it was, in its natural state.

I slowly started to get outside of my comfort zone. First, I became comfortable never wearing one around the house. While doing so, I would notice critical thoughts surface. If I was sitting or lying down a certain way I would think that my boobs looked gross. I would feel a sense of disgust.

Which had me question why the fuck I was hating on my boobs so much! Why was I not loving my body? Could I only love my body if it perfectly fit the beauty standards of what boobs are expected to look like 24/7, the way boobs are often are portrayed in the media? That appeared to be the case!

I was letting outside factors dictate my self-worth.

It’s bullshit how much society can influence the way we perceive ourselves. It’s also bullshit how much society can influence the way we behave in the world because we feel pressured to act a certain way. That there is a way we “should” live our life and there is a way we “should” look. Then if you don’t live up to those standards there’s the threat of rejection that is constantly fed to us through subliminal messaging.  

When it is actually fear mongering to get you to conform while you abandon your authentic self in the process. I felt that bras were entangled in that mess. Bras seemed to be this unspoken rule that women are required to wear. Then if women did not wear bras it was yet another reason to slut shame. 

Why is it that women’s boobs and nipples have become so sexualized? Oh wait.. I know the answer, the media. Women are constantly portrayed as sexual objects. So, it’s not a coincidence that if a person sees the normal shape of woman’s boobs through a shirt, or *gasp* their nipple, the person’s mind goes to sex.

I was afraid to go out in public for the longest time without a bra because I assumed that I would get ridiculed for it. I was also too concerned about making other people uncomfortable…. Are you kidding me?! If that isn’t rape culture I don’t know what is. The fact that I was conditioned to think it is my responsibility to make other people comfortable with the way that I dress, and if other people are uncomfortable then it is my fault. Or if other people have sexual thoughts in regards to the way I dress it’s my fault. 

It’s all bullshit, and if I continued to wear bras for the sole purpose of avoiding making others feel uncomfortable, I was perpetuating rape culture.

It’s not my responsibility to make anyone feel comfortable! Me not wearing a bra hurts exactly zero people. How other people feel about it is their problem, not mine. BUUUUT, I’d be lying if I didn’t mention how hard this is to do.

It has brought up a lot of fear. Fear of what others think of me, fear of judgment, fear of being ridiculed, fear of being sexually harassed, and fear of being told to change at work! Because yes, I don’t even wear bras at work. The list can seem endless of the tribulations I feel, but I will say that as time has passed, my levels of fucks have decreased. 

I am feeling comfortable in my skin. I am feeling confident in my body. More often than not now, I don’t care if anyone happens to notice me nippin. It’s just a nipple, we all have them. 

Let’s start making it normal to see a woman’s body and NOT have it immediately go to sex. 

When I stopped wearing bras, I did not initially have the intention of doing this for it to be another tool to help heal my sexuality. It has effortlessly evolved into that though. I feel more connected to my body. I feel that I have gained a loving relationship with my body. That in of itself is a part of sexuality. 

My body is beautiful and it deserves to be treated as such. I have spent so much of my life being critical of the way I look, or even doing things that were hurtful to my body. I am glad I have finally arrived to a place where I can show it the love, care, and compassion it needs. Is it still a work in progress? Always

I encourage every woman out there to question why they wear bras. If you find yourself in the similar mindset that I had… Then I challenge you to start the journey of no longer wearing bras. See how you feel. Notice what comes up for you. Free yourself!

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When we see the light in ourselves, we create light in others.

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Much love,

Kelsey

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