Continuously shedding the layers of “giving a fuck” has been the biggest lesson for me recently. It has been an underlying theme ever since I read the book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck,” back in 2016. Which coincidentally (jk nothing is a coincidence), was the first self-growth book I ever read!
Since then, I have been consistently working on setting boundaries, letting go of my need to people please, and unapologetically doing what is best for me. Lately, I have been letting the universe know that I am open to shed all the layers related to the fear of caring what other people think, which in turn allows me to walk through life not giving a fuck.
Because honestly, no one cares as much as you think they do!
It’s true! Everyone else is so caught up in their own head with their own bullshit they barely have the space to genuinely give a shit about what you’re doing. Will people have passing thoughts or remarks, sure, but will they stay up at night ruminating on what you’re doing with your life? Probably not, the chances are slim to none. With that awareness is where I kept asking myself, “Why do I care so much about what random ass people think?”
Well, shortly after opening myself up to the possibility of shedding these layers, opportunities started flowing in. Ask and you shall receive, and the universe got mad jokes!
I’d like to give some meaningful context before I get to the funny story involving the picture you see. Since October 2020, I have slowly stopped wearing bras. It has been a part of my sexuality healing journey. I am learning to love my body as is, and bras can greatly transform your boobs into a completely different shape that has been viewed as the standard for being “attractive.”
Our culture has also highly sexualized boobs to the point that if people see a nipple through a shirt it’s “scandalous.” I’m here to say fuck allll that! (maybe I should do a separate blog post on just this subject 🤔) Anyway, me rarely ever wearing a bra the past 10 months brought to my awareness how much I gave a fuck about the way people viewed me.
Each time I feel worried about another person’s opinion of me, it is an opportunity to let that anxiety go.
Not wearing a bra is a decision I have made for various reasons directly relating to my healing and to continuously be my authentic self. It hurts exactly 0 people. So, other people’s opinions of my boobs when I’m not wearing a bra literally doesn’t matter. AND if I’m letting the potential of other people’s perceived negative thoughts about how I’m living my life STOP me from being in my truth, that is a HUGE problem. I would be making myself small. I would live a boring ass life.
Now with the funny story, I went out to eat with my best friends. I was wearing a mustard yellow cotton dress (that actually was my friend’s tank top but fit me like a dress 😅), without a bra, without underwear, nips were totally showing, and I did not care. I thought to myself, “Yes! What an accomplishment! I do not give a fuck!” Cue the universe silently laughing in the background and saying, “Just wait.“
We decided to sit outside. We do live in Florida, it’s summer time, and even though the sun was down it was still pretty warm out. There were also not any fans outside to circulate the air. It did not take long for me to start sweating. I then realized, I’m in a mustard yellow cotton dress, sitting on a plastic chair. The more I was sweating I couldn’t stop thinking, “Oh shit, people are going to be able to see sweat marks on my dress… on my ass.“
I looked at my friends and said, “Guys, I’m sweating and we just sat down!” I kept thinking, if we sit here for hours my whole lower half was going to be soaked. Then I thought, everyone is going to see this! How embarrassing! I literally wasn’t shutting up about it, I was feeling intense anxiety, and I almost made my friends go inside to eat. After about 10 minutes of bitchin’, I stopped myself and realized…
I am caring way too much about what other people think right now! I am giving too many fucks!
So much so that I was not enjoying being in the presence of my friends. Then I thought, “Okay universe, I see you. You got jokes. You gave me an embarrassing moment to shed a deeper layer of giving a fuck. Thank you!” Because I most definitely was giving a lot of fucks in that moment.
With the help of my friends we started to problem solve. They threw me all their napkins. I unfolded two, laid them on the chair, pulled up my dress as high as I could, and sat down. Then I folded up two other napkins and shoved them up my dress in between my legs. I looked at my friends and said, “Guys, I have all the napkins in all the right places!”
I was then able to enjoy myself and let go of the fact that if I still had sweat marks on my dress, so be it! We’re outside during the summer time in Florida, people sweat. And what was the worst thing that would happen? People notice my sweat marks but not say jack shit? They’d see it, then move on with their lives. Because again, no one cares as much as you think they do! Being anxious about the possibility of “what will happen if people notice” was unnecessary anxiety pulling me out of the present moment.
Having that self-awareness allowed me to feel the anxiety, problem solve, and then let it go.
I was grateful that I had the awareness to recognize where the anxiety was coming from, that it was a result of me caring too much about what other people think, because could you imagine how the night would have gone without that awareness? I would have just been anxious as fuck and it would have easily turned into irritability. Then I could have been stuck in that emotion creating an awful night for myself.
No, thank you! Anxiety in that way does not serve me, so there wasn’t a reason to hold onto it. It was a perfect opportunity to embody the essence that is, “not giving a fuck.” (if you would like to listen to me tell this story go check out episode 41 on my podcast)
I hope this humorously brought some light in your life, while also gifting you with the awareness that if you are going about your day based on decisions that are revolved around how other people perceive you… it may be time to ask yourself, why? I have been learning that the less fucks I give, the more peace I have.
When we see the light in ourselves, we create light in others.